The Morning After

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I know you are here. I sense your presence. I lay in the darkness- my breast’s soothing rhythm giving comfort to my weary body.

Our relationship has always been one sided. For it is you who yearns. It is I who rejects. But once again you have woven yourself back into my life. At times it seems that you are me. I move, you move. I breathe, you breathe. I can easily lose myself to you.

Our encounters have grown old. Each time I ache for your departure, to be free from your poisonous claws, to be-just me.

On the morning after I am deep in thought, deep in reflection of what lies before me. On the morning after I breathe deeper – inhaling life.

I struggle to understand why you have returned with a vengeance, I am unsettled by your persistence to hold on. Yet I listen, to hear your lesson.

Nothing has changed except your name. A new identity, a stronger grip, a deeper hold. You are determined to prove that I will not live without you.

Metastatic Breast Cancer – fear and a sense of finality momentarily took my breath away. But within I felt a flicker of warmth, a strength to confront your existence. This comforting energy set root deep inside, releasing its tendrils of love throughout my being.

Love of my body and life. Love of all that I cherish. Love of who I have become in my time with you.

But there is no room for you here. You see, cancer, I choose life.

I choose life.

 

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