Grief and loss can be two of the most painful and powerful emotions for humans. When we are facing loss, we try to hold on so tight to what it is that we think we are losing that we lose sight of what is next or what could be around the next door.
I have experienced many losses in my life and continue to experience loss daily as I shed the old layers of who Gina is, breaking open and coming to a place of my true essence.
I experienced the loss of what I call my “starter husband” early on in my adult life. This was an excruciating and painful place for me to walk through. I experienced debilitating depression and anxiety during this time and my life. There was a lot of grief and loss felt for me, but it brought so much opportunity for me. It brought me to a place of confidence in me that I never knew existed. It brought me to a place of freedom where I learned to turn the beauty that existed on the inside of me to a place where is shined on the outside. It was only when I let go of holding on so tight to what I thought I wanted that I began to find what it was that I really wanted – a feeling of freedom and independence that had existed in me all the time, yet something I had shoved down inside of myself because I didn’t believe in me.
Again, loss hit me when I lost my mother and gave birth to my daughter within 3 days. For an entire year I was functioning physically, but lost mentally not knowing which way to turn next. The opportunity here was to shed the symbiotic and codependent relationship that I had with my mom and certain family members and continue to evolve and walk confidently as the Gina I was born to be, not the Gina others thought I was. This experience allowed me to turn all of my negative beliefs upside down and to look for the opportunity in every loss I faced.
Breast cancer was another loss. Here there was a loss of my breasts and a loss of the old Gina, the Gina that I had been so hard trying to create up unit this point in my life. The opportunity here was that I made a conscious choice to leave even more from the past behind. I let go of a lot of the stress in my life, a lot of the control, and a lot of the doing that I “thought” I was supposed to accomplish. As I recreated my body and let go of a lot of my old thoughts and beliefs, I grew more confidence and I found my Who. My Who being the greatest and deepest part of my self, the parts and pieces of me that existed as a child long before society and my parents imposed the beliefs they thought would shape me into who I would become. I finally started to realize that I had to experience life and these losses and challenging life moments to find my true self.
Another loss as I left my job in Manhattan of 28 years. This brought a lot of emotion up for me and holding on tight. The opportunity for me was to walk through fear and create my own businesses, knowing that if I didn’t succeed I could always go back to safe. The outcome was that I didn’t go “have to” go back to safe. I could sustain myself on my own creating my own businesses. It was all about taking a risk and believing in myself.
We never know what is on the other side of fear, loss or change until we walk through all of the emotions and make a choice to either remain in safety or stay stuck in fear, grief and loss, or walk into uncertainty without attachment to the outcome.
There are certain mornings that I rise and face fear, grief and loss. I now chose to look at it as excitement and an experience for growth. I am peeling the onion, shedding the layers, leaving the old me behind and continually creating the new me so that I can be happy, fulfilled and at peace with myself. I am learning the more I love myself, the more I can be in service to others.
Grief and loss and suck, but when you walk through the muck and mud and experience all of the thoughts, feelings and emotions that go with it, creation and freedom is waiting for you on the other side.
In what ways can you turn your grief and losses into opportunities? Take a look back at where you have come from. Look at the challenges you have faced. How can you sculpt all of these experiences into creating your best self?
If any of this resonates with you and you want to become the creator in your own life moving forward, feel free to email me with any questions, concerns or comments at: firstname.lastname@example.org. In addition, please take a peak at my website: www.newbeginningswithgina.com for my other blog posts, who I am and what I do in terms of coaching others with the goal of creating New Beginnings in Life.
I would love to hear from you and get to know you on a more intimate level and discuss how coaching can create sustainable change in your life.
Reprinted with permission of Gina Costa.
Photo by Unsplash.